Thoughts on Psychotherapy
Most talking therapies have common basic elements regardless of the fact that the methodologies can differ considerably. As one might expect, the first element amounts to finding something to work on. This may sound pretty simple, but one of the first rules in this field is that "whatever they say the problem is, isn't." In other words, the client says the problem is their anger, but the therapist learns that the real issue is the hurt that's not ever been addressed. Or the client says that the problem is their drinking, but the real issue turns out to be self esteem and fear of failure. Usually the challenge is that the presenting issue and the real issue both have to be addressed, and often at the same time. Another way to think about this initial step is that the client usually presents with some defensive kind of strategy that they have employed successfully in the past, but now it isn't working and in fact is causing problems. Procrastination would be a common issue that relates with most of us. In the usual form, delaying and procrastinating builds up pressure internally, and in the process one thinks more about the issue at hand plus gets more focused. Actually delivering on the requirement may be a little unnerving, but the job gets done. If it isn't done perfectly, the added benefit is that now there's the excuse of not having had enough time. So procrastination has its advantages, psychologically speaking, until it gets to the point where a person doesn't get the job done, or makes a serious mess of it because they really didn't allow enough time. When this starts to happen, they sometimes come in for therapy. Procrastination seems to be the issue, but the real issue may have much more to do with needing to be perfect or fearing that seriously bad things will happen if they fail. In therapy, the first task then is to sort through the presenting symptoms in an effort to understand what Adler used to call the sense of the symptom. It's there for a reason. Furthermore, the reason, every single time, is a well intended attempt to protect against some deeper hurt or fear. It may take some time to get to this wound since our human tendency is to repress and move on. Our survival depends on an ability to do this, but there's a cost, and the cost is that we carry the burden of the wound in terms of lost energy and usually, lost opportunity. More seriously, if the burdens are significantly large, we can lose touch with our real gifts and our real identity.
Now let's assume in therapy we come to understand our "symptoms" and we get to a point of realizing that they protect us from exposing our wounds. As noted above, pretty much all therapies get to this point even though they use different methods. Then what? Many therapies on the market today tend to go the route of teaching at this point. The therapist teaches the client a better way to think or to act. In effect, the client learns a new management strategy. This can be useful, especially if time or money is limited, but clients should realize that in fact there is another way. The wounded part, as it turns out, often is related to the best that's in us. Our sensitivity, playfulness, creativity and even joy are all tied up in those wounds, and real healing comes about through the realization that one can let go of the old burdens and pain without letting go of the part of a person that's been wounded. In fact one can come to the realization that the wounded part is filled with almost child like wonder and exuberance, and befriending it leads to a different identity and a different orientation to life itself. In effect, there is a realization that within each of us exists a center that is stronger and more capable than whatever has created the wounds. Philosophy and theology have talked about such a center forever, but most psychological models tend to avoid its inclusion in any theoretical formulation. "Mindfulness" and meditative practice come close. Carl Jung talks about the self. Many therapists will acknowledge that real healing somehow comes from within, but from there on the theory and methodology get vague and slippery.
So far then, this short introduction has been an attempt to describe commonalities of different therapies. The differences, not described here, basically have to do with whether the therapist tends to emphasize thoughts, feelings, body sensations, or behaviors. Group work is another story in which the primary emphasis could be any of the above or could be interpersonal relationships. Internal Family Systems (IFS) work, my personal preferred methodology and orientation covers all of the above plus gets to the realization that all of us do have a center. Briefly, IFS says that all of us are made up of many sub personalities and that they may have competing agendas or they may work together. The goals of therapy are to get them to work together, to heal the wounds of the parts that have absorbed hurt and pain, and to restore what IFS calls the "Self" to its rightful position of leadership in the internal system. Some other therapies achieve this last step, but few talk about it in any part of the therapist training and most do not include it at all. If you want more information about this or any other aspect of IFS, please go to their website selfleadership.org and note the books and videos available. A good starting point would be the book Introduction to The Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz.
My own development as a therapist led me to conclude about ten years ago that the models I used did a nice job in helping clients to manage their lives more effectively, but when I asked them if they were experiencing any joy or excitement in their lives, or if they were in touch with a burning passion about their work, the answer too frequently was either a blank stare or a decided negative. At about the same time I met the above mentioned Dr. Schwartz, who I had never heard of, and within a few minutes realized that his model was offering some missing pieces. To use a friend's expression, I needed to get smart on it. The model fits with everything I know about spiritual development and the realization of our true identity and mission here on the planet, but there's no religious terminology or jargon. It doesn't involve any teaching. This is a psychological model with psychological methodology. I'd be most interested in introducing you to the discoveries and healing it offers, and can honestly say that I know of no better investment of your time and energy.
Most talking therapies have common basic elements regardless of the fact that the methodologies can differ considerably. As one might expect, the first element amounts to finding something to work on. This may sound pretty simple, but one of the first rules in this field is that "whatever they say the problem is, isn't." In other words, the client says the problem is their anger, but the therapist learns that the real issue is the hurt that's not ever been addressed. Or the client says that the problem is their drinking, but the real issue turns out to be self esteem and fear of failure. Usually the challenge is that the presenting issue and the real issue both have to be addressed, and often at the same time. Another way to think about this initial step is that the client usually presents with some defensive kind of strategy that they have employed successfully in the past, but now it isn't working and in fact is causing problems. Procrastination would be a common issue that relates with most of us. In the usual form, delaying and procrastinating builds up pressure internally, and in the process one thinks more about the issue at hand plus gets more focused. Actually delivering on the requirement may be a little unnerving, but the job gets done. If it isn't done perfectly, the added benefit is that now there's the excuse of not having had enough time. So procrastination has its advantages, psychologically speaking, until it gets to the point where a person doesn't get the job done, or makes a serious mess of it because they really didn't allow enough time. When this starts to happen, they sometimes come in for therapy. Procrastination seems to be the issue, but the real issue may have much more to do with needing to be perfect or fearing that seriously bad things will happen if they fail. In therapy, the first task then is to sort through the presenting symptoms in an effort to understand what Adler used to call the sense of the symptom. It's there for a reason. Furthermore, the reason, every single time, is a well intended attempt to protect against some deeper hurt or fear. It may take some time to get to this wound since our human tendency is to repress and move on. Our survival depends on an ability to do this, but there's a cost, and the cost is that we carry the burden of the wound in terms of lost energy and usually, lost opportunity. More seriously, if the burdens are significantly large, we can lose touch with our real gifts and our real identity.
Now let's assume in therapy we come to understand our "symptoms" and we get to a point of realizing that they protect us from exposing our wounds. As noted above, pretty much all therapies get to this point even though they use different methods. Then what? Many therapies on the market today tend to go the route of teaching at this point. The therapist teaches the client a better way to think or to act. In effect, the client learns a new management strategy. This can be useful, especially if time or money is limited, but clients should realize that in fact there is another way. The wounded part, as it turns out, often is related to the best that's in us. Our sensitivity, playfulness, creativity and even joy are all tied up in those wounds, and real healing comes about through the realization that one can let go of the old burdens and pain without letting go of the part of a person that's been wounded. In fact one can come to the realization that the wounded part is filled with almost child like wonder and exuberance, and befriending it leads to a different identity and a different orientation to life itself. In effect, there is a realization that within each of us exists a center that is stronger and more capable than whatever has created the wounds. Philosophy and theology have talked about such a center forever, but most psychological models tend to avoid its inclusion in any theoretical formulation. "Mindfulness" and meditative practice come close. Carl Jung talks about the self. Many therapists will acknowledge that real healing somehow comes from within, but from there on the theory and methodology get vague and slippery.
So far then, this short introduction has been an attempt to describe commonalities of different therapies. The differences, not described here, basically have to do with whether the therapist tends to emphasize thoughts, feelings, body sensations, or behaviors. Group work is another story in which the primary emphasis could be any of the above or could be interpersonal relationships. Internal Family Systems (IFS) work, my personal preferred methodology and orientation covers all of the above plus gets to the realization that all of us do have a center. Briefly, IFS says that all of us are made up of many sub personalities and that they may have competing agendas or they may work together. The goals of therapy are to get them to work together, to heal the wounds of the parts that have absorbed hurt and pain, and to restore what IFS calls the "Self" to its rightful position of leadership in the internal system. Some other therapies achieve this last step, but few talk about it in any part of the therapist training and most do not include it at all. If you want more information about this or any other aspect of IFS, please go to their website selfleadership.org and note the books and videos available. A good starting point would be the book Introduction to The Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz.
My own development as a therapist led me to conclude about ten years ago that the models I used did a nice job in helping clients to manage their lives more effectively, but when I asked them if they were experiencing any joy or excitement in their lives, or if they were in touch with a burning passion about their work, the answer too frequently was either a blank stare or a decided negative. At about the same time I met the above mentioned Dr. Schwartz, who I had never heard of, and within a few minutes realized that his model was offering some missing pieces. To use a friend's expression, I needed to get smart on it. The model fits with everything I know about spiritual development and the realization of our true identity and mission here on the planet, but there's no religious terminology or jargon. It doesn't involve any teaching. This is a psychological model with psychological methodology. I'd be most interested in introducing you to the discoveries and healing it offers, and can honestly say that I know of no better investment of your time and energy.